Regardless of a businesses stage, Conflict is hard. Resolution is SIMPLE.
There is a six step SIMPLE approach to resolving conflicts which can be used to solve interpersonal, business, or other confounding conflicts.
The process is comprised of a three-part philosophy:
I may disagree, but I will not be disagreeable.
I will treat others as I want them to treat me.
I will remain true to my convictions and beliefs.
I may disagree, but I will not be disagreeable:
In conflict, people get lost in the situation and things become personalized. If we become disagreeable, the focus goes to the personal. If you get lost in the conflict, emotions take over. To handle this, keep your head and don’t use generalizations.
Don’t say things like, “You always,” or “You never.”
Acknowledge the other person’s concerns, without agreeing with them. You must be willing to accept the other person’s point of view but you don’t have to have the same opinion. Try saying to the other person, “I can see how you saw that and got upset.”
I will treat others, as I want to be treated.
I will treat others as I want them to treat me.
Treat people as you would like to be treated in the same situation and stay focused on the substance of the problem. Let the other person now you accept them as they are without your need to change them. Speak to the other person, not around them. Maintain eye contact and exhibit a tone of acceptance and tolerance. Keep this in mind no matter how bad it gets.
I will remain true to my convictions and beliefs
You don’t have to change your fundamental beliefs to solve the problem. You feel more comfortable doing what you are. Remember it is not about rearranging your chromosomes or theirs; it is about solving the issue at hand.
If you alter your convictions and beliefs, then the other side has you and they can move you around. Stay the course with acceptance and respect. The benefit is self-confidence and clarity about your goal of solving the conflict.
Six Steps to a SIMPLE Resolution
S – Separate the people form the problem. Focusing on the person usually places guilt and the person feels blamed. When the focus is on the problem, we are open to be objective about our own responsibility.
I – Interests are our focus, not our positions or our “Point-of-View.” Our interests motivate us. Our positions are what we have decided. Attempt to understand the other person first before being understood. It builds trust!
M – Must Do. We must choose a goal such as: What do we want to see happen? Or “What result do we want? P – Putting our interests and concerns in line with our goal is necessary to reach a desired result.
P – Putting our interests and concerns in line with our goal is necessary to reach a desired result. L – Let brainstorming for new ideas encourage you and the other party to examine options to find a solution. Inventing stimulates new ideas that help develop the leverage we need to find a solution.
L – Let brainstorming for new ideas encourage you and the other party to examine options to find a solution. Inventing stimulates new ideas that help develop the leverage we need to find a solution.
E – Elect the best idea to resolve the problem. The solution must substantially meet the goals of all parties. Recognize that people will work harder to preserve what they believe they might lose than to work at gaining something. That is why you must work to determine interests first. Seriously review what you want and then even more seriously look at what you really need. If you start out complicated, it won’t get easier.
Stay focused on the goal. People can get hung up on the problem not associated with the goal. Stay on track. You might ask questions like, “We are working on an agreement to benefit all parties. Am I correct in assuming that you do not want…?”
Orlando Blake is a licensed Unitive™ Coach, and Certified Performance Technologist (CPT), Dr. Blake’s more than 25 years of executive, consulting and coaching experience is uniquely diverse. His clients come from commercial printing, consumer products, food processing, healthcare, heavy engineering construction, government, utilities, entertainment, and defense.Orlando is a Founding Fellow of the Institute for Professional Coaching Association at Mclean Hospital a Harvard Medical School Affiliate. He received his masters from the University of Southern California, with a specialization in applied behavioral sciences. He followed this with a doctorate and breakthrough research at Claremont Graduate University that discovered unique techniques to resolve disputes. Harvard has included his research in their study of critical moments in negotiation.
He has developed The Leader’s Path process, which focuses on who the person is and who they want to become. His process is supportive and provides timely feedback directed toward goal attainment. This allows the client to grow and excel, build on his or her own strengths and resources.